When Counterfeit Cards are Used
by Epsilon Zeta
Summary: To get me back on my Digimon groove, I came up with this. Basic story summary: What happens when a Digimon Tamer slashes a counterfeit Digimon card? You probably don't want to know.
1. Part One

Author's Notes: Wow. It's been ages since I sat down to write any solid stories. To be honest though, my interests in writing are near zilch. And let's not start on my interest in Digimon. I still intend to finish Ascension somehow. I want to have at least one completed series under my belt. Anyways, this takes place during the Deva story although it won't really interfere with normal timeline events. And this will probably act as my story to get me back on my Digimon groove…I hope.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, alright?!?  
  
When Counterfeit Cards are Used  
  
'I have to admit…being able to relax like this feels great. Now if only we could put some pieces of that Deva puzzle together.' Rika lay underneath the shade of a tree and is currently listening to some J-Rock on her MP3 player.  
  
"Hey, Rika!!" The girl opened one violet eye to see the Tamers' unofficial leader and official Goggle head, Takato Matsuki heading towards her. The boy pulled out two booster packs of Digimon trading cards. "I found this selling for less than half the price for a normal booster pack when I went to Kyoto the past weekend!! Can you believe it? I had some spare change from my allowance so I was able to afford these!! What do you think?"  
  
Knowing that he'll never leave her alone until she checks the cards out, she took the packs from her friend and examined the cards carefully. After a few moments, she broke the bad news to Takato. "You were ripped off."  
  
Takato gave a blank look. "Say what?"  
  
"The reason why these were selling for a cheap price was because these are all fake cards! You can tell by the feel of the card against your skin and the cheap circuits they use to mimic the real ones printed by the card manufacturer! In reality, these cards have no monetary value. Sorry to break the bad news, goggles." Rika gave the cards back to Takato who continued to have the blank look on his face. The Digimon Queen snapped her fingers a few times to bring Takato back to reality.  
  
The boy scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Rika…um, can you please keep this a secret for me? The last thing I want is Kazu and Kenta to laugh their heads off when they hear about this."  
  
'Torment the gogglehead and get some amusement out of this or keep it a secret? Gee, tough choice.' Before Rika could give an answer, Renamon phased into view on a tree branch.  
  
"There's a digital field nearby."  
  
Good. Something to take her mind off the Deva mess. She got up quickly and whipped out her shades. "Let's go."  
  
"I'll bring Guilmon and meet up with you later!!" shouted Takato.  
  
(scene change)  
  
"About time you guys got here!! Any longer and I would have been a pancake!!" Gargomon leapt out of the way of another attack before firing again. "Gargo Lasers!!" The other Digimon moved out of the way before charging Gargomon.  
  
Henry wasted no time in activating another modify card. "Digi-Modify!! Speed Activate!!"  
  
The champion Digimon felt the card's effect immediately. "Gargomon's Secret Technique…Run Away!!!" Looks like someone had been watching too much Ranma ½ (which belongs to the talented Rumiko Takahashi).  
  
Rika simply took out her Digivice to get readings on their new opponent. "Minotarumon. Ultimate level, virus type. Special attacks are Bull Fighting Attack and Darkside Quake." 'Gonna have to evolve Renamon for this one.' "Digi-Modify! Digivolution Activate!!"  
  
DIGIVOLUTION…  
  
"Renamon digivolve to…Kyubimon!!" As soon as the transformation was complete, she attacked Minotarumon with her Fox Tail Inferno attack but he simply batted it aside.  
  
"Seriously, we should have a professional pit bull fighter from Spain deal with this guy!!" complained Gargomon before firing again.  
  
Rika took out her deck from her card pouch and quickly looked it over. 'What would be the most effective card against this guy?'  
  
Minotarumon spotted one of the humans distracted and charged towards her. "Rika, look out!!" Before she could react, Takato tackled her out of Minotarumon's way, scattering her cards all over the pavement of the alleyway they were fighting in. He didn't notice that the fake cards  
  
"Sorry I'm late!! Had to pry Guilmon away from his bread." Guilmon came rushing in and fired his fireball attack at Minotarumon. Rika pushed Takato off of her and started trying to get her cards back together. "Rika? I'm going to borrow your evolution card for Guilmon, okay?" Takato prepared to swipe the card through his own Digivice.  
  
"Just hurry…up?" Odd, she saw her evolution card still sitting on the pavement. Then that means… "Gogglehead!! Wait!!"  
  
"Digi-Modify!! Digivolution Activate!!!" He swiped the counterfeit Digimon card in his Digivice.  
  
"Guilmon digivolve to…"  
  
DIGIVO-  
  
The green letters stopped appearing. Then a flashing green word appeared on the screen.  
  
ERROR  
  
After blinking twice, the following phrase appeared on the screen.  
  
YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO LIKE WHAT GUILMON WILL EVOLVE INTO.  
  
"Uh oh…Guilmon!!" Takato looked over to his partner who was already enveloped in his usual digivolving egg. 'Please don't let him become some super crazy psycho monster!!!'  
  
As soon as the egg vanished, all three of the Tamers jaws dropped. In Guilmon's place stood a tiny white knight with a cute little lance and shield. On his back was a small piece of red cloth acting as a cape.  
  
"…SUPER DEFORMED GALLANTMON!!!" The tiny knight then focused its attention on Minotarumon. "I cannot forgive evil!! Prepare for battle, scum!!"  
  
Minotarumon just stared before laughing its ass off. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"  
  
While it kept on laughing, SD Gallantmon calmly raised his right arm. "In that case, eat this!!" Then he fired a big ass beam of energy…I'm talking huge here. We're talking at least twice as big as Cable's Hyper Viper Beam. In any case, Minotarumon got easily deleted. Nobody bothered to absorb the data because Kyubimon and Gargomon were in a similar state of shock like their tamers.  
  
"Evil is squished again!! Now if you excuse me, I have a date with some bread!! Cheerio!!" With that said, SD Gallantmon left the battlefield.  
  
They all stood like that for ten minutes. When Rika became the first to regain her senses, the first words that came out of her mouth were…  
  
"WHAT THE (censored)?!?!?!?!?!?" It's obvious what that censored word is, folks.  
  
End Part One!! "A New Ally of Justice! Super Deformed Gallantmon!!"  
  
This kinda came out after watching an episode of Super Defender Gundam on Friday and when I thought about the fake Yu-Gi-Oh card photos shown by Ed Hrzhic on his webpage. Anyways…dunno how this will turn out. 


	2. Part Two

Author's Notes: Here's more of this demented story for all of you who are still around after the first demented chapter. And I didn't realize that I was classified as a member of the Big Three...whatever that means.

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, alright?!?

When Counterfeit Cards are Used

Henry examined some of the fake cards that Takato had purchased in Kyoto. "I have to admit...those counterfeit cards had quite an interesting effect on Guilmon. I wonder if this is only temporary."

Takato added in his thoughts. "With the real cards, the effect doesn't last that long...Rika, you okay?"

"I have just seen your dinosaur Digimon transform into a ridiculously small knight with firepower equal to that of a mega Digimon and who probably has the same speechwriter as Sailor Moon. Do you think I'm okay?!?" screeched the Digimon Queen.

"Maybe you should just be thankful that Takato slashed the fake card rather than you. I would prefer not to find out what would happen to me if you slashed a fake card, Rika." Renamon couldn't help but shudder at the thought of Rika slashing a fake card.

"Okay. Let's start from the beginning and find that shop where Takato bought those fake Digimon boosters from. Then we can go from there," concluded the Chinese tamer.

"Alright!! Road trip to Kyoto and the okonomiyaki!!!" shouted Terriermon.

(scene change)

"Wow...these are great, Jeri!" Calumon opened his mouth wide to take another bite of the treat that Jeri had brought for him.

Jeri smiled brightly. "I thought you would like them, Calumon! It's a special type of biscuit made out of..." She paused when she noticed a small purple figure slowly dragging his exhausted body towards them.

"Hey!! Ya gotta hide me!! Pineapple Head's gone nuts!!"

'Does he mean Guilmon? What happened?' thought the girl.

"You don't look so good, Impmon," remarked the white in-training Digimon.

Impmon growled. "Gee, ya think?!? A while ago, I was having some fun and scaring some humans. Then all of a sudden...WHAM!! Pineapple Head comes over and smacks me up once. And the strange thing is that Pineapple Head doesn't look like Pineapple Head!! He was about my size and looked white instead!! At first, it looked like an opportunity to show up to that guy but he had some serious firepower that hurts a helluva lot!! And the scary part was that he vowed to make me see the error of my ways and make me into some sorta outstanding goody two-shoe like youse guys!! The next thing I know, he's forcing me to do all sorts of exercise to get my body inta shape!! He won't give me any rest and whenever I get tired, he gives me a 'zap' of confidence!!"

Jeri just blinked. "I don't think I understand what you're saying, Impmon."

The small virus Digimon sighed. "Just hide me for a bit, will ya?!? It's bad enough that I gotta stoop this low but if I don't get some rest soon, I'll drop dead!!"

"That wouldn't be good," stated Calumon.

She still didn't understand what Impmon was ranting about but she decided to play along. "Just hide in my bag. It should be big enough for you to fit in." Without wasting a second, Impmon got into the bag as fast as he could when she opened it for him.

'What is he so scared about?' thought Jeri.

"Good day, Miss Jeri. How have you been doing?" She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the voice come out of nowhere address her directly. She turned to find the source of the voice and saw a tiny white knight.

"Um...how do you know me?"

"We've met before when you gave me that interesting flower sticker on my snout when I was Guilmon. You called me cute when my Tamer insisted that I was cool."

"...Guilmon? Oh my gosh...you're so adorable!!" Jeri scooped up the tiny knight and squeezed him like a plush toy.

SD Gallantmon squirmed slightly. "Would you please let me go?" After the girl dropped the knight, he spoke again. "I was wondering...have you seen Impmon around?"

"What do you want with him?" asked Calumon.

"He needs to be educated and brought up to speed on how civilized people act in this world." As he spoke, Calumon and Jeri saw a scary glint in his golden eyes. "And it's my duty that I set him on the straight road as an outstanding citizen!!"

"Guilmon." SD Gallantmon turned around to see Renamon standing behind him. "We'll be leaving soon for Kyoto to track down the origin of the counterfeit cards."

"Very well. Where should I meet you?"

"We'll come by your 'home' in an hour to pick you up. The others need to make some preparations first." With her message delivered, Renamon phased out again.

"A counterfeit card? Kyoto? Just what happened to you, Guilmon?" asked Jeri.

"I would love to explain everything but I have to make my own preparations and ensure that I have an adequate supply of bread for the trip. Good day, Miss Jeri." SD Gallantmon then bounded off towards his 'home'.

Jeri got up quickly and slung her bag over her shoulder. "Where are you going?" asked Calumon.

"I've got to make my own preparations to go to Kyoto! Maybe I can help Takato and the others solve this mystery or something!!" She started running, totally forgetting about a certain virus Digimon inside her bag.

"Ow!!! My eye!! I think I'm blind!!!"

(scene change)

"Deep within the walls of a secret government agency, a conspiracy was taking place. A conspiracy so unbelievable and terrible that to disclose the truth to the public could be the end of civilization as we know it..."

"Dammit, Talley!! Can't you read your fanfics more quietly?!?" hissed Riley.

"Sorry," mumbled the other technician. "Just needed a break from figuring out how to deal with all of these bio-emerging anomalies..."

"Speaking of bio-emerging...we got two more!!" This exclamation captured Yamaki's attention. "I'm putting a tracer on them!!"

"Location?" asked the blonde man.

"Extrapolation complete. They are approximately going to emerge in...Kyoto," murmured Talley.

(one last scene change for this chapter)

"So here we are in the real world!! What do you think, little bro?"

"It's loud and it stinks. Can we go home now?" This earned a chuckle from the older female Digimon.

"Not yet. I would first like an opportunity to see how fragile the human body is before we go forth with our plans for world domination!!"

"I can't believe I'm related to you..."

End Part 2!! "Watch out, Impmon!! SD Gallantmon takes a page from Kim Kaphwan's book!!"

If you're a KOF fan, you'll know what I mean but for those who don't know...

Kim is basically a justice nut who has insane Tae Kwon Do skills to back him up. He stops two criminals named Chang and Choi and has been working hard to re-educate them ever since. They try to get free but somehow it always blows up in their face. So far, this has been going on for almost ten years (and it doesn't look like that they'll be able to get away from Kim anytime soon).

Next time: The trip to Kyoto is underway and we uncover a potential danger of being a Super Deformed character!!


	3. Part Three

Author's Notes: I'm back with another chapter of this story...if you can call this piece of junk a story. Anyways, this will be strictly humour since I probably won't be able to fit a romance in here (I can barely write mush for my main Digimon series).

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah…you heard it all before so why should I bother saying it again?

When Counterfeit Cards are Used

Welcome…to the City of Kyoto, a place where giant monsters frequently strike with nuclear breath and other disturbing and powerful moves! That's why we have the awesome-

_(Please wait as the current narrator gets sacked. Thank you. Hopefully, the second narrator knows that this is a frickin Digimon fic, not a typical Ultraman episode!)_

It's a brand new day as our heroes head towards the grand city known as Kyoto. Okay…it's not really a brand new day, considering that it has been fifteen hours since the day technically started. But it looks like a brand new day, I swear! Normally, in the afternoon, our heroes would be in school but due to the teaching staff suddenly having the feeling to go shuck some corn or something…hey, wait! Nooooooooo!

_(Please wait while the narrator who replaced the narrator, who got sacked previously, is being sacked. Thanks again!)_

Ahem. Now normally a day of school wouldn't end until late afternoon or so but then again, nobody really specified the school hours in the Tamers series so I say that the Tamers have school from 8:30 to 3:00 or something. If you got a problem with that, go suck a lemon!

_(Please wait while the narrator who replaced the replacement narrator, who got sacked, is being sacked…oh…okay…you three were doing this on purpose to get me to sack you as an homage to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, eh? Ha ha…we get the joke. Can we go on already?)_

Nah…this is a helluva lotta fun!

_(Get on with this or I'll put you in the catapult.)_

Okay! Sheesh…can't a guy have some fun around here? We return to our tale when our heroes have just arrived in the city of Kyoto to begin searching for the store that sold Takato the counterfeit cards. "Let's recap what you did when you were in Kyoto before. Where did you go and what did you see?" asked the sensible member of the group, Henry Wong. Right now, the group had stopped to rest at a bridge.

"Let's see…I got up on the wrong side of the bed and messed up my hair. Then we had a good breakfast…"

"Please tell us all about this breakfast of yours. If it sounds good, I'll have to try it for myself!" spoke Terriermon.

"Nobody cares what you ate on that weekend, gogglehead! Just tell us what time you went to get the cards and where you got them from!" Rika was doing a pretty decent imitation of Soun Tendo's Demon Head (or for all you Gold Digger fans out there, Theo's Flaming Skull).

Takato slowly backed away from the Digimon Queen before answering. "Well, my mom dragged my dad into a mall so she could get something and told me to wait by the Chinese herb store and there was a little toy shop next to it so that's where I found my Digimon cards."

"So do you remember where this mall is?" asked Henry.

"Nope!" replied Takato cheerfully.

The other two tamers sighed. "This is absolutely fantastic," grumbled Rika.

"Well, Sir Takato did mention a Chinese herb store. So it's a matter of finding every single store that falls under that category in the area," stated SD Gallantmon from his hidden position underneath the bridge where the trio were resting. "I suggest we split up and search. I can check out the west end by myself while you guys figure out who would search the other three ends."

Renamon glanced at the tiny knight Digimon. "Are you sure you can cover such a large area by yourself?"

The tiny knight nodded. "It's more sensible that way. Not many people will notice me because of my small size. And I do have good prowling skills to rival that of an intangible psi-ghost from the Rifts RPG."

"Did anyone just get the last statement he said?" asked Henry as a drop of 'sweat' rolled down his cheek. The others shook their heads.

"Bah! You have no appreciation for a real game!" The knight Digimon then paused when he heard the surprised screams of terrified citizens and an explosion. He then felt a familiar sensation inside his head. "A Digital Field…"

"Looks like we got trouble!" exclaimed Takato. He then struck a pose and pointed his finger up in the air. "DIGIMON TAMERS ASSEMBLE!"

"We are assembled already, you goggle head! Now let's get going!" shouted the Digimon Queen before placing her purple sunglasses on her face.

(Scene change!)

It was chaos at the Kyoto Station building as people vacated out of the large facility in panic. "Excuse me! Pardon me! Let us through!" The tamers slowly weaved in and out of the traffic while SD Gallantmon and Renamon went in ahead and entered the building discreetly.

"So where is our visitor?" murmured SD Gallantmon. He didn't have to wait long as he heard loud shouting coming from the building's sixth floor. He bounced up two floors at a time like a flea before finding the source of the shouting coming from a game centre. Renamon opted to wait for the others to get in before they all followed the tiny knight.

As SD Gallantmon approached the game center, he heard the voice shout again. "How do you like that, huh? You thought you had beaten me before but who's laughing now? WHAHAHAHAHA!"

That voice definitely sounded evil. The knight ran inside and began a speech. "I cannot forgive evil! Your time is up, evil…doer?" The knight paused when he saw that the Digimon in front of him was laughing at a video game opponent controlled by the computer. The room itself was filled to the brim with multiple games, pachinko machines and so forth with a small blue door that was closed. It seemed to be an office for employees of the game centre.

"Hang on, buddy! The reinforcements are here!" Takato skidded to a stop and gawked at the Digimon in front of him. "That's Devimon!"

Rather than launching a sneak attack or going on some evil speech about planning to take over the world and killing all those who stood in the way, the Devimon merely snorted in annoyance. "You know, just because I look evil and sound evil doesn't necessarily mean that I am evil. Geez! Talk about discrimination!"

"I wasn't expecting that to come out from him," admitted Terriermon as he scratched his head.

"Don't listen to that ass! He's just messing with our heads! Ready, Renamon?" Before Rika could digivolve her partner, the blue door opened to reveal another Digimon. The female tamer frowned as she began reworking her strategy on how to take down Devimon and LadyDevimon.

"That certainly was an interesting experience dissecting that human," said the virus Digimon with a smirk. She then paused when she saw the group of humans and Digimon. "Well, what do we have here?"

"I don't like these odds," murmured Henry.

Takato shot a reassuring smile at his comrade. "Since when haven't we beaten the odds? And besides, this would be no problem for my partner Digimon who happens to have firepower equivalent to a mega Digimon! Right, buddy?" As soon as the last word escaped his mouth, LadyDevimon dashed towards SD Gallantmon and performed the equivalent of an Amazon glomp, crushing the tiny knight to her impressive cleavage.

"Isn't this the cutest thing you've ever seen?" gushed the ultimate Digimon.

SD Gallantmon struggled to get out but soon found his strength lessening due to oxygen depravation thanks to LadyDevimon. 'Must…get…out!' He began trying desperately to power his right arm but found no energy to do so.

Renamon and Terriermon began to move in but Devimon blocked their path to his sister. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. You see…she gets very, very upset if something interrupts her when she's in the middle of a cuteness rush. Heck, I'll show you what I mean." Before the others could react, Devimon pulled out a photo album out of nowhere and found the page he was looking for. "A short while ago, she had a cuteness rush with a bunch of Digi-Gnomes."

The group all gathered around to see a picture of LadyDevimon hugging a small white creature with beady black eyes. "Then along came an Etemon who not only attempted to hit on her but also knocked the Digi-Gnome away." He flipped to another picture showed the monkey booting the little dude like a football as LadyDevimon watched in horror. "He was never the same again after she got through with him." The last two pictures showed a close up of an enraged LadyDevimon with an AMSWTWSTBAM (All Males Should Wet Themselves When Seeing This Bad Ass Mallet) and a mutilated Etemon.

"I didn't realize a joint could go that way," said Terriermon as he cringed at the last picture.

Devimon nodded. "Yeah. Her last rampage caused some major side injuries to my person. I just recovered recently and I'm not looking forward to it again. In any case, just give her a few minutes and then we can get on with the battle and us killing you in a brutal fashion. Except for maybe the knight."

"Actually, we're the ones who plan on walking all over you," amended Rika.

Before the other Digimon could reply, they heard the footsteps of someone approaching. You can imagine the surprise of the Tamers when Jeri Katou stepped into the game centre, having been able to find the Digital Field thanks to Calumon. Her eyes narrowed as she saw LadyDevimon having a tight grip on the tiny knight. "Hey…uh, what's her name?"

"LadyDevimon," replied the tamers in unison.

She nodded in appreciation before addressing the other Digimon. "Hey, LadyDevimon! You better release Guilmon right now or there will be consequences!"

The ultimate Digimon grew annoyed at the small girl who attempted to threaten her. "And what do you plan to do about it?"

Jeri took off her bag and reached into it. "Observe! IMPMON STRIKE!" She then tossed Impmon towards LadyDevimon with the strength of a star quarterback in the NFL.

"What the hell? WAAAAAHHHHH!" SD Gallantmon fell to the ground unconscious as Impmon collided with LadyDevimon.

"Oh, she's in for it now," murmured Devimon.

LadyDevimon shook off the dizziness before screaming in rage. **"HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME! YOU'RE ALL DEAD!"**

Will our friends survive LadyDevimon's latest rampage? Will this warped idea of a story be continued? The tamers certainly hope so!

End Part Three! "LadyDevimon's Glomp of Death (or why it sucks to be a cute Super Deformed character)"

I suppose you can thank Slayers Great for getting me to start writing more of this random humour fic. Hopefully, my next update will be for Ascension and won't take so damn long.


End file.
